Close Enough to a Hybrid!

So today, being the total dork that I am, I decided I needed to finish calculating my gas mileage.  You see, I have a nice little red book that I keep in my car to record my gas mileage, oil changes, tune-ups, tire rotations, etc.  The book was a gift from Jen after I bought my car.  I’ve been horribly delinquent in calculating the mpg per each fill-up so I decided that today would be the day that I would get caught up on my calculations.  After completing the calculations, I started wondering (in my own dorky way) what my average gas mileage has been since I’ve had my car.  So, since I felt like procrastinating on the important stuff that I had to get accomplished today, I proceeded to average the gas mileage I had recorded in my little red book.  From 04 OCT 2003 to 08 JUN 2008, I have put approximately 75k miles on my car and my average gas mileage has been 34.79mpg!  Go, go little Civic!!  J

Does marriage still have meaning? Or is it just another convenience…

Being as I am getting married in the very near future, I like to think that there is still something special about a marriage.  After reading the following postings by several men

(http://www.nomarriage.com/why_foreign_women_are_better.html) and the response one woman posted

(http://www.nomarriage.com/comments.shtml), I had to both laugh and yet also be equally disturbed.  It really got me thinking about marriage and our society in general.  It seems as though our society has become so incredibly focused on convenience that the whole “convenience” factor is now also carrying over to our relationships.  I’m sure the whole “marriage of convenience” concept has been around for a long time.  After all, there are times (especially years ago) when a man/woman loses their spouse and has a need to marry someone to help assist in bringing up the children, paying the household bills, and also to simply provide them companionship so that they are not lonely.  I cannot fault someone for that need.  However, in a world where the number of things we can hold sacred seems to be decreasing dramatically, I would like to hope that there are still marriages that are based on more than simply convenience.  The more I listen to people talk, the more I am made aware of how many people remain in their current relationship because it is more convenient to stay than it is to leave.  They seem to be content with settling on something that is conveniently acceptable rather than continuing to search for something that makes them truly happy.  It’s easy to fall into a routine and to be comfortable in a situation regardless of whether or not we are as happy as we would ultimately like to be.  It’s not so easy to leave that comfortably convenient situation and go searching for true happiness.  Yet isn’t that what most of us want - to be truly happy?  Have we as a society really reached a point where we are giving up on happiness and settling for contentment?  If so, I find it incredibly sad.  I still believe that marriage can be a true and meaningful union.  I believe that you can find someone who truly makes you happy.  I believe that you can find someone who you want to be with and cannot see yourself being without.  I believe that you can find someone who respects you and whom you can respect in turn.  I believe that you can find someone who will remain faithful to you and who wants to be by your side regardless of whether the times are good or bad.  If I did not believe these things, I could not get married again.  I refuse to settle for being content and will only settle for being happy.  I just wish I didn’t feel like such a minority…

OMG - I’ve been tagged!

So I was tagged by Jen about two weeks ago and had no clue that it had happened because I haven’t gotten onto my blog in what… over 2 months?!?!  Bad Amy!!  Anyway, it seems that what I have to do is list 6 random things about myself, tag six more people in my post, publish the post, and let those I’ve tagged know I’ve tagged them.   And, if I don’t participate, I’m going to get a nasty zit right in the middle of myforehead.  I am hoping that this punishment occurs only if I do not list the 6 things and NOT if I don’t send it out to 6 people as I don’t know 6 people I could tag who haven’t already been tagged!!  So, here’s hoping that I don’t end up looking like my ex-husband did when he had that huge zit that was about the size of a small pepperoni slice in the center of his forehead!!

1) I hate being sick.  It sucks to sit and watch everything go on around you and not have the energy to be able to participate and enjoy yourself like you normally would.  Whenever I am not feeling well, I try to remind myself of the people who have cancer, Parkinson’s, MS, etc and have to deal with that feeling on a daily basis for the rest of their lives.  I couldn’t imagine the frustration they must feel. 

2) Last weekend I learned that within the world of modern day fashion, my boobs are obscene.  I went to try on some polo shirts, short-sleeved button up blouses, and sleeveless button up blouses in hopes that I could expand my wardrobe a little for work and the upcoming conference I was attending.  Alas, it did not work.  Anything that fit me did not fit my obscene boobs.  I left the store feeling like a freak girl who had gotten implants two sizes too big.  This is why I hate shopping for clothes for myself.

3) I love the onions off the fajita plate at Monterey.  I could totally eat an onion fajita.

4) 4 is my favorite number.

5) I have 3 and a half months until my wedding and I’m less stressed now than I was before.  I’m not sure why that is, but I’m glad it’s that way. 

6) Sometimes I miss moving around and living in new places.

Well, that’s six… hopefully I won’t have a pepperoni zit show up on my forehead!! 

I am a Snapdragon

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

Things that make you go ew…

And I don’t mean in the good way.  Do you ever happen to see something and then really wish you hadn’t?  Yeah, well sometimes that happens to me too.  This time it is stuck in my head so I’m going to blog about it in hopes that writing will help to get rid of it. 

 I completely understand the fact that men are visual creatures.  I mean, I get that they enjoy looking.  And as a woman, I can admit that there are times when we enjoy looking too.  However, I do not understand when a man, or shall I say a male individual that technically falls within the age range of what would be a man 30+ yrs old, enjoys looking at teenage girls or should I say “hot teens”.  I mean, I can understand when the guy was in high school and even college but as a grown man, or maybe I should say aged man, it just doesn’t seem right.  Not to mention the fact that he is a father of a teenage girl himself.  I think if I was his wife, I would be ill.  Then again, maybe she likes “hot teens” herself.  *shrug*

 I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just a prude.  But I would like to think that in normal everyday society there exists some drawing of an imaginary line where once you hit a certain age, you don’t get off on “hot teens”.  And yet at the same time, I know there are people out there who are into “hot toddlers” and things completely sickening and just all together incredibly jail-worthy.  I do not consider these people part of everyday society.  If they were, I don’t think I would be pro-creating as I would be much too afraid for my children. 

I think it’s one of those things that I wouldn’t really want to know about yet at the same time would definitely want to know about prior to ending up with that person.  I mean, would I want to marry a man and then continuously wonder if he is secretly harboring a lust for our teenage daughter?  Or her teenage girlfriends?  I don’t think I could do it. 

Maybe there should be some sort of questionnaire that you have to fill out before you get married.  Then again, would people be honest when they filled it out?  Probably not, thus explaining why we do not have to fill one out prior to saying, “I do!”

But… one can always create one!  The WT’s are most excellent at creating questionnaires - especially over margaritas!!! 

And so begins the creation of The Future Spouse Quiz!

The Saving of the Bud Men

It’s a salt shaker… It’s a pepper shaker… it’s… it’s… it’s the Bud Men!!

 The Bud Men have been saved from the deepest darkest pits of the kitchen garbage can and live to see another day! 

 Now that they are safe and able to do battle with bland tastes, I can go back to being sick on the couch.

Desktop Quote

Today was one of those days where I was in a funk.  Not just emotionally.  I was in an all encompassing mental funk.  For example, I decided that I needed to listen to some music to cheer me up while I read over a demonstration/validation plan that would put even the driest, most incredibly boring person to sleep.  So I pop a CD into the appropriate drive on my computer and open up the folder.  What do I find?  Nothing.  I raise an eyebrow and wonder, “How can the CD be blank?  It’s not a copy.  It’s an actual genuine ‘I bought it at the store’ CD.”  So I decide that maybe I didn’t quite lay the CD right when I put it in.  I hit the eject button so that I can jiggle the disc.  Much to my surprise, I see that my CD does not need to be jiggled at all.  Instead, it needs to be flipped over.  Yes, that’s right.  I put the CD in upside down.  Sean told me that I must have been hoping for ”B-side”.  I had to laugh before I told him that no, it was just one of those days.  What did I learn today?  I learned that as I get older and/or more stressed out, I need to remember that when it comes to CDs, “Silver side down!”

Anyway, while I was sitting at my desk wishing I was anywhere else but sitting in that very chair, I looked up and saw a quote that I had saved from a “Friendly Quotations Daily Calendar”.  I had received this miniature Page-A-Day calendar as a gift the year prior and had saved a few of the ones I thought were cute.  As time went on, I threw all of them away except for one.  I read the quote and it made me smile. 

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.”  ~ W. H. Auden

I remembered why I had kept it.  All of the people I love make me laugh.  And that, especially when I am having a funk-filled day, is one of the biggest reasons why I love each and every one of them. 

Wanted: One Punching Bag with Interchangeable Stick-On Faces

Sometimes I just have to accept the fact that I am going to end up having one of those days.  I’m not talking about a day where everything seems to go wrong.  No siree Bob!  I’m talking about a day where everyone is either going to piss me off or make me feel like a piece of shit.  Ok, maybe not everyone, but everyone except for a very small handful of people - like 3. 

So, what do I do?  Well, I end up leaving work EXTREMELY frustrated.  I come home, have some soup, and then force myself to take my lazy butt to the gym.  I put on my angry music and I go to town.  Then about the time I feel like I’m going to fall over because I’ve pushed myself too hard, I decide to come home. 

Now that I’ve pet my stepdog and my two cats, I have to admit that I feel a little bit better.  Of course, the physical exhaustion has helped tremendously.  Go figure.  But that still leaves me sitting here trying to figure out what to do in order to significantly decrease my stress and anxiety levels so that I don’t continue to have days like this.  Right now, my stress levels at work are just going to have to be what they are.  There is a light at the end of that tunnel.  Unfortunately, it’s a few months away, but it’s there.  So until then, I’m going to have to grit my teeth and keep on plugging away. 

As for the rest of it all, I’m going to start by cutting out the negativity in my life.  I am sick and tired of feeling guilty that I am happy.  I am sick and tired of getting to the point where I become excited and happy about my upcoming wedding only to talk to someone who ends up shooting down all those great and wonderful feelings.  So I’ve decided that I am going to start by allowing myself to be happy.  And, furthermore, I’ve decided that if someone cannot accept the fact that I am happy or feels the need to try to get me to join their dismal pathetic outlook on life, they are shit out of luck.  It’s my life and I am going to enjoy it.  I am going to be happy!!!

So there!  HA!  I don’t know why, but saying “HA!” makes me feel so much better. 

Now that I’ve figured that out, it’s time to go make a cup of tea, relax in the tub, read some more of my book, and wait for the most wonderful man I have ever met to come home so that I can crawl into bed with him and go to sleep.  :-)

The “Wow” Feeling

As I try to start winding down and get my head to stop swimming with wedding colors and invitation choices and all of the gazillion different flower choices that are available, I try to focus on what I have actually completed so far with my wedding.  I think about the location and then I start thinking about my dress and how much I really do like it.  When I look at the dress, all I can think of is “Wow!”  The pictures don’t do it justice.  They lack the sparkle that comes off of the tiny crystals that are in the detailing, they lack the exact coloration of the detailing, and of course they lack that overall “Wow” feeling that I get when I look at it in person.  When I put the dress on, it makes me feel good.  I feel comfortable and I don’t feel confined or restricted or stiff or any of the other feelings that the other dresses gave me.  But more importantly, when I put the dress on, I feel as though I really could be beautiful.  I feel as though it gives me hope.  And that is when it hits me…

It’s at this point in my thought process that I realize that I am 33 years old and have never felt beautiful.  Sure, I’ve felt “not bad looking”.  And I suppose a few times in my life I’ve thought, “I look pretty damn good!”  But thinking back, I cannot recall a time that I have felt beautiful.  I cannot recall a time where I’ve felt that someone has looked at me and said, “Wow!” 

I’m sure part of this may be due to the fact that I never have been very “girly”, not even when I was younger.  When you aren’t very “girly”, you don’t really provide yourself many opportunities to receive the “Wow” look.  And I must admit that my previous highly toxic relationship didn’t provide many opportunities either.  I was always made to feel as though I was a disappointment.  But, I did get to hear about how hot *fill in the blank for the week* was which always brought me back to high spirits!  I mean, wouldn’t you just love hearing about how hot *insert random girl at work* is and then ten minutes later be told how unattractive you are and be propositioned for a blow job???  Who wouldn’t!  Being made to feel like an unattractive piece of shit ALWAYS makes me want to suck dick! 

But, I try to shrug this all off.  Just because I have never received the look in the past doesn’t mean that I can’t ever get it, right?  On their wedding day, even the not-so-girly girls become girly.  So, this would present me with an opportunity, right?  I would like to think so.  At this point, I’d like to think that there is hope.  I would like to think that in September when I put on my dress, that I will have the “Wow” feeling.  And that when I walk down the aisle, that I will exude the “Wow” feeling.  That Rob will look at me and I will see someone else have the “Wow” feeling when they look at me.  Then, even if it’s just for once, I can have that moment where I truly feel absolutely beautiful.

Tick, Tick, Tick…

Sometimes I feel like I am constantly playing “Beat The Clock”.  I now have less that 8 months left before my wedding.  In some ways that seems like a very long time.  But in some ways, I feel my little voice repeating “So much to do! So little time!” over and over like a record that is skipping along at a speed just a little faster than what it should be played at.  You know what I mean - where the voice that’s talking to you is a little higher pitched and at a faster tempo than it should be. 

“So much to do! So little time!  So much to do!  So little time!  So much to do!  So little time! So much….”

“AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

I’m sure it doesn’t help that I have a hard time making up my mind.  But to be fair to myself, it is difficult when there are so many options.  And not just any regular old options, but options that are cool, interesting, different, unique, and incredibly fun! 

I’m sure it also doesn’t help that we have now lost our officiant.  Yes, this has sort of bummed me out.  She will be moving on to another parish in Missouri but has agreed to complete our pre-marital sessions prior to leaving so that the new interim priest at St. Andrews can marry us.  It’s nice because it doesn’t leave us searching for a new officiant, but I have to admit that Rob & I were kind of bummed when we got the news because we really do like her.  But, since time keeps on ticking, we are hoping that we will also be fond of the interim priest that the parish takes on after Paula leaves.

Aside from that, there have been no real snags.  Then again, we’ve gotten most of the larger decisions out of the way.  One would think that they would be the more difficult decisions.  Well, yes and no.  Yes, because they tend to be the more significant decisions, hence the size being labeled as LARGE!  (i.e. - Where do we want to have the wedding?  What date?  Who do we want to invite? What time of day do we want to have it? etc.)  No, because as I am now finding out, the smaller decisions tend to be inter-linked within one another.  Whatever small decision I make affects another small decision which in turn affects another small decision which in turn… you get the idea!  It’s an evil, vicious, small wedding decision circle!

To overcome the EVSWD circle, my totally wonderful and incredibly brilliant Lady of Honor has come up with the idea of creating a Wedding Posterboard.  This will enable us to lay out all the various small wedding decision (SWD) ideas and be able to move them around to get a better feel of how they will impact the other SWD’s.  Did I already mention that she is brilliant??!!  This will be absolutely wonderful because it will enable me to better visualize all the various SWD’s and how they play off each other.  I cannot wait!!  I have a lot of magazines and this weekend we are going to get together and go through ideas.  Next weekend we are going to assemble the board and start trying to get some SWD’s checked off!! 

HALLELUJAH!!!!!